Hello

It's been a long time, a little over 10 years since I last posted here. But I occasionally log in to the account to make sure it doesn't get deleted and for some reason I felt like posting something today. A sort of epilogue, I guess, but not really since I'm still going on somehow. But I thought it might be nice to say something in case the few people who I used to interact with here are also still going on and wonder what happened to me.

I haven't had any kind of magical recovery from my disorder, I'm always seesawing between it being active or in remission. I suppose I have accepted that this is just always going to be part of who I am, although I really do wonder what my life would've been like without it. I expect that someday the collective damage it has caused me will be what ends me.

When I logged in today I looked back at the last few posts I made, which was a bittersweet thing. I thought I was so happy with that guy, but that was actually the beginning of many miserable years for me. I still am not the same after all of that. I wish we had never met. And at the same time I wish we were still together. I guess I really am just drawn to things that destroy me.

Maybe I will drop by again some other day, to give a sign of life. But this is enough for now.