I have been on the all alcohol and occasional noodles version of whatever it is I'm doing these days that passes for nourishing myself. When I was off work yesterday, I tried to be good and make rice and vegetables. Which was apparently a terrible idea because it has lead to the worst stomach cramps and pains I've had in a while. Like crying and unable to sleep at night bad. I managed somehow to drag myself to work this morning despite this (and I had to walk 2 miles to get there). Then I was in agony and having to leave the floor constantly to get myself together.

Even though my attendance sucks and I'm in trouble for leaving sick too often, I just couldn't deal and left halfway through my shift. My friend/crush gave me a ride home so I wouldn't have to walk 2 more miles. We were sitting outside my house talking and I was trying to stall because I didn't want to be sick and alone. And without me even having to say it, he knew, so we went to the marina. He bought me ginger ale for my stomach and lent me his jacket when I got cold and hugged on me and generally did his best to cheer me up.

And now here I am thinking, holy shit, maybe for once my heart is fixated on the right thing. Because it would be wonderful to finally maybe find someone who would take care of me sometimes, and not always have it be about what they want.