So somehow I ended up drunkenly telling the guy I like that he resembles Robert Downey Jr, which lead to us making out in my kitchen for an hour. Which means that oh my god, I don't have to turn 30 without having been kissed, and I'm relieved and I don't mean that sarcastically.

He said a lot of nice things that I'm not sure if he really meant or if he was trying just to get in my pants. (Which no, not tonight. Baby steps.) But all the same there's nothing like being told you're beautiful and wonderful and special.

The major problem is that we work together and people are gossipy as fuck so I really don't want anyone to know we hang out regularly. Because they will turn it into something it isn't. However, basically my entire friend circle is made up of people from work, and I have to really watch my mouth from now on.

Anyway, basically my evening was awesome and I can deal with the other stuff as it happens. And I hope other people who may read this are having nice things happen to them. <3

I have been on the all alcohol and occasional noodles version of whatever it is I'm doing these days that passes for nourishing myself. When I was off work yesterday, I tried to be good and make rice and vegetables. Which was apparently a terrible idea because it has lead to the worst stomach cramps and pains I've had in a while. Like crying and unable to sleep at night bad. I managed somehow to drag myself to work this morning despite this (and I had to walk 2 miles to get there). Then I was in agony and having to leave the floor constantly to get myself together.

Even though my attendance sucks and I'm in trouble for leaving sick too often, I just couldn't deal and left halfway through my shift. My friend/crush gave me a ride home so I wouldn't have to walk 2 more miles. We were sitting outside my house talking and I was trying to stall because I didn't want to be sick and alone. And without me even having to say it, he knew, so we went to the marina. He bought me ginger ale for my stomach and lent me his jacket when I got cold and hugged on me and generally did his best to cheer me up.

And now here I am thinking, holy shit, maybe for once my heart is fixated on the right thing. Because it would be wonderful to finally maybe find someone who would take care of me sometimes, and not always have it be about what they want.

I bought some jeans last year when I was at my lowest weight. Within a week, they were too small and they've sat at the bottom of my wardrobe with the tags still on for all this time. Today they almost fit, except for the top button.

I wondered why I was getting so much attention lately. Now it all makes sense.