Returning

I need this place and I don't fucking care anymore about staying away to make myself "better." I've been lurking on the fringes and watching everyone else slowly disappear and I'm not going to be that person anymore. I need to get this all out, even if I only have one follower or none or a million. (And thank you Olivia Lee, for sticking around here and saying hello, I've thought of you often.)

I've lost a lot of real life friends in the intervening months for a variety of reasons, but I've made better ones instead. I haven't told any of them about this because it's such a relief to not be stared at every time food is involved. The only one who seems suspicious about my behavior is the current Boy, but we haven't gotten anywhere near to the point where that discussion will be allowed to happen. We would have to actually be a Thing before I might consider it.

I'm 10 pounds up from where I was when everything came crashing down on me last year. It's starting to come off slowly as I restrict and get back into my gym routine. It's all a waiting game where I endlessly calculate numbers. Honestly, everything sucks so much right now that it's comforting to be picky about the numbers and let everything else go to hell. Fuck it, if I can't be happy at least I can be beautiful.