I need a vacation. Somewhere in/near the woods. I'm sick of city life. Of course I don't have money to do this, but I'm doing imaginary vacation planning online anyway. The problem I keep mentally running into is that I've always felt more lonely than ever when I'm sleeping in a big hotel bed all by myself.

Yesterday, at home in my own bed, I woke up in a panic from some nightmare I was having. I was shouting and crying, which I think is what pulled me out of it. It shook me up so badly that instead of going back to sleep, I got out of bed and started my morning routine. I didn't bother telling anyone about this during my day. Its not the sort of thing to bring up in casual conversation. But I felt off kilter and snapped at people more than usual. I wonder how different my days would be if there was someone else around when I woke up crying in the night.

My friend and I went grocery shopping the other night. It's like we were attuned to the same purpose of planning out massive binges. Instead of encouraging each other to select healthy things like we usually do, we bought entire pies and a large number of baking mixes and chips and sodas. I blew my entire grocery budget for the month of July and I don't have anything but binge foods. I have yet to go back to the gym because I'm still having serious coughing fits. I don't know what to do.