As a way of dealing with how direction less my life has been feeling lately, I've started going back to church. I'm not sure of how it will feel in the long run, but having been raised as a strict Christian with weekly services giving a rhythm to my life, it feels comfortable going back to that. I don't (and never will) attend services in the particular brand of Christianity that I was raised in, but there's a church I've been going to on and off for two years and it fulfills most of my needs.

My friends invited me to go to yoga today, but I feel tired from fasting yesterday. It feels weak and wrong to turn down the opportunity to exercise. I told them I'd meet them after. I'm worried this will involve dinner out somewhere because they know about the ED. I wish I had never told anyone.

I tried to weigh myself this morning but the batteries on the Wii board are dead and I have to wait for them to recharge now. The console said it's been 76 days since my last weigh in. That's some kind of record for me I think.

I'm jealous of how skinny New Boy is. I see him eating all the time which makes it worse. Then I spend all this mental energy wondering why he bothers flirting with me when I must be 30 pounds heavier despite being half a foot shorter. I realized the other day that the biggest thing that would hold me back from having sex with him is the fact that he'd have to see me at least partially undressed.

I think it's funny when people tell me I'm thin. I only appear that way because I'm being compared to the standard American. Working at a grocery store is so horrifying, I want to escape back to the safety of selling skinny clothes to skinny people.