After the long drunken conversation my friend and I had the other night, I have decided it's time to make an effort to get over New Boy. I know it's going to be really fucking difficult, but ultimately it's for the best. I can't go around breaking my heart with guys like him, it messes me up so much. The funny thing is, this is the one friend I have who is all for going after New Boy, and something about the way he encouraged me makes me know it's the wrong thing to do.

It's Wednesday, which for me now is a day of fasting and prayer. During the service tonight I lit some candles on the alter for my family, my friends, and myself. I specifically asked to be forgiven for what I've been doing and for help to find someone to love me like I deserve. Because really, that's what I want so bad is someone who loves me because of and in spite of everything I am. I'm so tired of being alone.

I love you, be safe, stay strong. You deserve so much.