Apparently I can't even get a haircut now without being harassed by idiot men who think they want to fuck me. I regularly go to a non-English speaking salon just to avoid the awkwardness of conversing with a stylist. I print out some photos to show them how I'd like my hair cut and I've never had a problem. Except today I had the tortuous fun of interpreting broken English and hand gestures for an hour as the stylist's unemployed friend asked me increasingly personal questions and tried to talk me into a date. Finally I was like "yeah, looks great, I gotta go" (I hate it actually but I couldn't stand being there any longer), at which point I was begged by the friend to allow some pictures because supposedly the stylist wanted them for his portfolio. I don't know why I told him ok but I did, so now some guy has pics of me on his phone making a really awkward fake smile. But he doesn't know my name or my phone number and I sure as hell am never going back to that place again.

I also had therapy today where I said that I am angry at myself for being depressed again since I am on meds and feel there is no good reason for me to be upset and crying all the time. She said that being mugged at gunpoint was obviously very traumatic for me and that I need to stop being so hard on myself. The problem is, I don't know how to be anything other than hard on myself.

I've been binging even though food is undesirable and tasteless these days. Usually when its like this I'm able to just stop eating, I don't know why I keep at it, it doesn't feel rewarding in any manner. The weight gain is becoming rather visible, so I wear big bulky sweaters so nobody at work will know. I see myself in the mirror and find it more disgusting than before. I don't know why all these guys keep chasing me, I wouldn't chase me.