I think today is the first time I've ever seriously considered offing myself. I've talked before about how I'd be better off dead, but tonight it got to the point where I was thinking about which of my options would most likely be successful. I'm not doing anything with it, but I was (am) thinking about it.

This has been the week from hell. I'm not sure exactly how it got like this, when last Friday I was happy and hopeful and smiling and laughing for the first time in a while. Yeah, work sucks and I have shitty friends and my parents are worthless, but its like it hit me all of a sudden that its always been like this and will probably always be like this. No matter how hard I try, I can't pull myself up and out of this pattern. Its not going to get better. I'm trapped. I don't know what to do, so for now I'm going to go back to bed and sleep for the third time today.

I found out about a free support group for people with EDs that's in my city. I'm thinking about trying it out. I've been unsuccessful in support group settings for other issues, but maybe this will be different.

Xoxo