I've not really had anything new to say lately. Mostly because I only come here to talk about my perceived fatness and how nobody will ever love me, etc. Olivia Lee's post a few weeks ago about negativity has been mulling about in my head for a while now, and consequently I've been trying to move past my tendency to spend a huge amount of my time bad mouthing myself online and in therapy. Its not easy, hating myself and everything around me has been my default for so long that it seems hard to find even one good thing in a day sometimes. But I am making an effort.

I'm finally training to cashier at work. I've been looking forward to the promotion for months now, but I've found out too late that it's actually lonely work being chained down to the little space behind the register. I miss the hugs the most, I think.

To cheer myself up today, I wore my skinniest jeans to work and admired how lean my legs looked in them whenever I saw my reflection. I felt it was a shame that the Boy didn't get to appreciate them on me, as I said goodbye while he said hello. I hope eventually I will get to see him for more than a minute, once or twice a week. This isn't working for me and he always looks so disappointed that my greetings are always goodbyes these days.

I hope I sleep the whole way through tonight and that you all do too. Xoxo