This morning I woke up completely freaked out from a nightmare about being stuck at work, stalked by the creepy coworker, and having my best friend fuck the Boy just to spite me. It was a fucking awful way to start my day. The friend in question had sent a text that was what woke me up, and so I proceeded to panic all over her for a minute about this awful thing while she reassured me that she loves me and that it was unlikely the creepy guy would stalk and murder me.

I was able to go about my day normally until the creep showed up at work just to ask me to go out to a show with him later. I told him no and then spent the rest of the night and the walk home in terror that part of my nightmare was about to become reality. That whole thing where he promised to back the fuck off is apparently not happening anymore. Shit.

Now I'm second guessing myself about the times I've dropped by the store on my day off to say hi to the Boy. Even though when he sees me his face lights up and he runs over to hug me tightly and asks me how my day went and says he's glad to see me. I'm terrified that I'm actually a creep and the Boy hates me and I don't see it. I feel like there's no way in the world someone could actually want me around.

Yesterday I was 156.5. Today I was pretty much unable to eat because I was so nauseous from anxiety. I think tomorrow may finally be the day I cross off another goal. I need some good news.