I keep typing out drafts of posts and then deleting them because hello, nothing is ever good/interesting/perfect enough for me. So here's some things that have happened recently in case you were curious:

--I didn't account for the fact that being mostly sober and losing weight means I get drunk much faster/easier than I think I will. I lost track of an hour somewhere last night, but I made it home safe because apparently I have friends who actually give a shit about me.

--My stalker situation has supposedly calmed down although now it's being strongly implied that I'm supposed to feel bad for "misunderstanding" him. And that is just so much bullshit. I am the one who was made to feel intensely uncomfortable and unsafe, people shouldn't be coming to me after the fact and saying my feelings are invalid.

--I really want/need to break up with my fake boyfriend. I am about up to my eyeballs in lies now, and I need to do something before it unravels and people find out that I am just a bunch of secrets and bullshit. Except now everyone is treating me a lot better because they don't think I'm a freaky weird loner anymore. Fuck fuck fuck.

--I am sick of people saying that I'm shy. I'm actually not shy, I just hate most people and I'm intensely critical. I know from experience that letting in the few people I don't hate is intensely dangerous, so I just don't bother much anymore.