My stupid traitorous stomach

So I'm a terrible liar in therapy and when pushed admitted I was back to restricting. Then my stomach just started being noisy as if admitting verbally was not enough. Fuck.

I guess I'm visibly getting thinner although I personally can't see it at all. My friend asked me today if I had lost weight, he said I'm smaller. Then he started fishing. He asked me if I'm doing coke or pills to kill my appetite. I wanted to say oh honey, if it was only that simple. Because that would mean at some point I could decide it was enough and stop.

This morning I weighed 158. I'm almost 50 down from my highest weight, and just another 45 until I hit my goal. Its crazy when I frame out those kind of numbers in my head. Its rather a shame that this is the only thing I excell at, I can't even imagine what I could accomplish if I could put this much focus into my art.