I'm almost a week into the medication and so far I'm not really noticing any changes. Although in the mornings when my alarm goes off I actually seem to be able to wake up and get up, rather than my usual feeling that I have become permanently attached to the mattress. But I am unsure at this point if this is due to meds or because I'm trying to have a regular-ish bedtime routine.

This morning I had my first therapy appointment since the holiday break. Mostly I just went on about my problems at work and with my family and avoided the subject of eating for the entire hour. I don't want to talk with her about it right now. Or ever. But I can't exactly just up and quit going right now because of all this other shit I've got going on that I can't handle. I need help, but I need it on my own terms or I'll end up quitting my entire treatment program without warning like I did two years ago. It didn't help that time, and in fact I think that's part of why I'm such an absolute wreck right now.

Also today I did the very adult thing of signing up for a service that helps track spending and budget your money. So as I had figured, most of my money goes to rent and then another large chunk goes to medical bills, then it trickles down to other bills from there. The only bit of money that regularly gets to be for me is for cigarettes, and I've even had to cut down significantly on that one remaining pleasure. At my current rate I can never afford to retire, so it looks like having a reduced lifespan will actually be a benefit for once. It's been a very cynical sort of day today.