I'm hoping that if I finally get this out I can go to sleep instead of silently agonizing over it all night.

I feel like my bare minimum standards for dating should consist of more than
a) is mostly nice to me and
b) doesn't seem to want to beat the shit out of me.

My ideals of course include things about looks and shared interests and the possibilities of a future together. What happens in reality though is that I'm so starved for kindness and affection that showing a little bit of interest in my life and maybe some gentle hugs or other innocuous touches will make me throw everything out the window if I'm wanted. Now I'm sure there's plenty of genuinely sweet guys out there, but I have had some shit luck with the ones who like to take advantage of the fucked up boys like me.

So when I feel like a coworker is probably showing a special interest in me and yeah ok he's not at all my type, I'll sit around all evening after work and think about how yeah I guess if he keeps being nice to me I could let him fuck me if he wants. Not because I really want to, but because its better than being alone.