Figured out how much you have to push to get the medication to feel like its not doing a damn thing. Its not as much of a buffer as I'd hoped. For about a week now I've been unable to sleep or get out of bed, constantly binging, and having rough mood swings. Today I bumped up my dose since technically I am at the low end right now, and the notes my psych gave me said I was allowed to up it at my discretion until I hit a certain threshold.

My biggest stressor has stopped being money/bills (I'm back on partial unemployment for the moment), and instead I'm now completely upset about unwanted crushes. I have massive trust issues and a history of abuse. If I can ever manage to have a successful relationship it will be a fucking miracle. The coworker I mentioned a couple entries ago is now showing definite signs of being smitten with me and while he's a cool friend, a friend is all he is to me. I wish I was able to just lay things like that out in conversation, but I'm awkward as fuck and a stupid part of me likes the attention.

Sometimes I think about how much simpler my life was when I was a bloated whale and everyone left me alone.