Today has been the first good day I've had in a while. It helps that yesterday I accidentally poisoned myself with some jelly that had been in the fridge for apparently too long. I spent the day bringing up what seemed to be everything I'd eaten for the week. I was only able to manage crackers and carbonated beverages today. Small victories.

I haven't weighed myself in over 2 weeks. My clothes don't fit right at all, they're not exactly tight, but they aren't hanging off me anymore. I'm hoping that today is the start of me seriously getting back into restricting, its been incredibly hard to stick with lately. Fortunately my therapist is off for the holidays, and not seeing her has taken the pressure off a bit. Still haven't been back to the doctor to get my blood work results, although they've been leaving me voice mails telling me to make an appointment.

I can't sleep. I'm staying with family for Christmas and the unfamiliar bed situation keeps me up. It wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't in the room alone, I find it very easy to fall asleep with someone next to me.

I'm nervous for tomorrow, this part of my family tends to spend the holidays eating to disgusting excess. I just want to pick at things and drink and smoke a lot of cigarettes without people questioning my behavior.

Merry Christmas, stay safe out there xo