It's been a rough week. My therapist made me go to the doctor who is now making me go to a psychiatrist. Great. The one good thing is that in the bloodwork that she ordered, my doc mentioned that I've had highish thyroid levels in my last panel so she's checking it again. If that was really my issue, it would explain the depression, skin problems, and inability to really lose weight despite everything I've tried. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for hypothyroidism.

Work holiday party last week was fine and then it wasn't. I saw my friend being all happy and lovey with her new girlfriend and it upset me. Then the boy was drunk as fuck and still didn't try to make a move on me. I left early and went home and ate and hated myself.

Speaking of eating, I've been depressed and eating like crazy and it's so gross and my clothes are getting tight again. This needs to stop but when I'm unhappy it's ridiculously hard for me to stay in control, even though I can see and feel how fat I'm getting, which just ends up making me more depressed and I eat more to punish myself. I fucking hate it. I haven't weighed myself since Wednesday because last I checked I'd gained 4 pounds and I know it's gone up even more and I'm scared to face it.

I don't want to go back to work tomorrow, I'm afraid of everyone seeing me getting fatter.