I wish didn't already know I will be spending my birthday alone again this year. But I will and I'm trying to be okay with it.

Today, excluding my current moroseness, was better. The boy even said nice things about my appearance (thank fucking god I was thinner this morning). But some upsetting things happened at the end of my shift and I came home and binged grotesquely and now I'm terrified about my impending morning weigh in. I'm so angry at myself, I've been doing really well at not eating. Ugh.

Maybe I can manage a liquid fast tomorrow, despite having to work. And the object of my desire is off work so I can wear dumpy clothes and feel sorry for myself all day. It all depends on what the scale has to tell me at 8am.